Animal Jokes
Animal Jokes
CAT JOKES
What’s a cat’s favorite TV show?
Claw & Order: Special Kittens Unit.
What do you call the cat that gets caught by the police?
The purrpetrator.
What’s a cat’s favorite dessert?
A mice cream cone.
What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meow-ntain.
What is a cat’s favorite color?
Purrple.
What’s a cat’s favorite comedy show?
Caturday Night Live.
What do you call a cat prom?
A Fur Ball.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Feline.
Feline who?
Feline fine after reading all these cat jokes!
What is a cat’s favorite thing to drink on a summer day?
White Claw.
What does a cat order at a bar?
A Whisker Sour.
Why do cats always beat dogs in video games?
Because they have nine lives.
Why was the cat afraid of the tree?
Because of its bark.
Where did the kitten want to have her birthday party?
At a pounce house.
What party game do cats love to play?
Mew-sical chairs.
Why did the cat get sent to the principal’s office?
He had a bad cat-itude in class.
Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs!
What do you call a cat who teaches at a university?
A purrfessor.
What do cats call a nice dinner? A fancy feast.
Why are kittens excellent bosses? They have great littership.
What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? A mice cream cone.
What do you call a cat who loves to bowl? An alley cat.
Who was the most powerful cat in China? Chairman MEEow.
Why don’t kittens play fetch? They’d rather catch a nap.
What’s a cat’s favorite jacket? A purr coat.
What’s a cat’s least favorite jacket? A fleas-lined coat.
What do you call a cat prom? A Fur Ball.
What do you call a fluffy male cat asleep on a bed? A Himalayan.
What did the alien say to the cat? Take me to your litter.
Did you hear about the cat that climbed the Himalayas? She was a sher-paw.
What kind of cats teach college classes? Purr-fessors.
Why was the cat sitting on the computer? He wanted to keep an eye on the mouse.
Why did the cat have trouble writing his second novel? He only had one tail to tell.
What is a cat’s way of keeping law and order? Claw enforcement.
Why does the cat do stand-up? He lives for the a-paws.
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
Why was the cat so small? Because it only ate condensed milk!
Why was the cat sitting on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse!
What did the cat say about her intuition? "I just had a feline."
What did one cat say while her friend was complaining? "Tail me about it."
How did the cat comic know he was funny? The audience was yowling with laughter.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
Why do cats always beat dogs in video games? Because they have nine lives.
What's a kitten's favorite kind of sticker? Scratch and sniff.
How does a cat answer the phone? “Meow may I help you?”
Why was the cat afraid of the tree? Because of its bark.
Where did the kitten want to have her birthday party? At a pounce house.
Why don't leopards play hide-and-go-seek? They're always spotted.
What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
What party game do cats love to play? Mew-sical chairs.
What is a cat’s best subject in school? Hiss-tory.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimeew!
How do cats mix cake batter? With whiskers.
What do you call a cat with eight legs? An octo-puss.
Why can't you play board games in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
What do you call a stylish cat? A dandy lion.
What do cat artists usually paint? Self paw-traits.
Why do cats hate laptops? They don't have a mouse.
What do cats look for in a significant other? A great purrsonality.
Why did the kitty get an "A" on their English assignment? They properly used an independent claws.
Why aren’t cats religious? They’re scared of dogma.
What do you give a cat with allergies? An anti-hiss-tamine.
What’s a cat’s favorite comedy show? Caturday Night Live.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a bad sausage? It was the wurst.
Why did the cat go to a therapist? It had claw-strophobia.
What do you call a cat who runs the post office? Post Meowster.
Why shouldn’t you buy essential oils from a cat? It’s probably a purr-amid scheme.
What’s a cat’s favorite board game? The Settlers of Cat-an.
What is a cat’s favorite type of exercise? Paw-lates!
What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
DOG JOKES
Why are conjunctions dogs’ favorite parts of speech?
Dogs love buts.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished dinner?
That hit the spot.
What kind of car does a dog drive?
A Fur-rari.
What’s the difference between dogs and marine biologists?
Dogs wag their tails, and marine biologists tag their whales.
What’s a dog’s favorite trick to do on Halloween?
Play dead.
What’s the best way to stop your dog from barking in the front yard?
Put him in the backyard.
What did the police officer do when he saw a dog giving birth on the side of the road?
Gave her a ticket for littering.
What’s the friendliest thing in the world?
A wet dog.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it.
What do you call a zoo with no animals except for one dog?
A Shih Tzu.
What do you call a dog crossed with a calculator?
A best friend you can always count on!
Why were the fleas depressed?
Their whole town was going to the dogs.
What did the mommy dog say to the baby dog at bedtime?
“Hush, puppy!”
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Ketchup! Everyone knows that’s the best thing to put on a hot dog.
What’s a dog’s favorite type of pizza?
Pupperoni and snausage!
Who is the most famous doggy magician in history?
Houndini.
What is Dracula’s favorite breed of dog?
A bloodhound!
What did the snowman name his pet dog?
Frost, because he bites.
What did the dog do when he graduated from obedience school?
He had a paw-ty!
Why did the pooch sit in the shade?
He was a hot dog!
What happened when the girl took her dog to a flea circus?
He stole the show!
. What is a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Pooched eggs and pupcakes.
What kind of dog should you get if you’re always late?
A watchdog!
What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel with a poodle and a rooster?
A cockerpoodlepoo!
What’s a dog’s favorite position to play in football?
Golden receiver.
What trees are dogs most afraid of?
Redwoods. They have the biggest bark.
What’s a dog’s favorite kind of store?
Retail.
. I thought I was getting a guard dog, but I’ve come to realize I’ve just gotten a louder doorbell.
My dog’s not fat; he’s just a little husky.
My friend says her dog will retrieve a ball over a mile away, but that sounds far-fetched to me.
I tried to trick my dog into eating a healthy snack, but he didn’t bite.
My dog accidentally ate sandpaper; it was rough.
When it’s raining cats and dogs, you must take extra care not to step in the poodles.
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines, but they’re great at running Lab reports.
Dogs are terrible with boundaries—instead of standing up for themselves, they just roll over.
A three-legged dog limps into a saloon and yells, “Listen up! I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
. If you want your dog to stop digging up your garden, all you have to do is take away his shovel.
I’m deeply attached to about five people … and 400 dogs on the internet I’ve never met.
Heaven forbid you forget to feed your dog, he’ll hound you about it all day.
Raining cats and dogs is one thing, but you know the weather is really bad when you see it reindeer.
How did the dog get from Boston to New York?
He took a Greyhound.
Why do poor dogs chase their tails?
They’re just trying to make ends meet.
How do dogcatchers get paid?
By the pound.
Why do dogs make the best arborists?
Because they are experts in bark.
Why did the dog skip the prom?
Because he had two left feet.
What did the dog install in his car to impress all his friends?
A subwoofer!
.What kind of dog can jump as high as a tall building?
Any kind. A building can’t jump!
What’s the most popular dog breed among magicians?
The labracadabrador.
What do you call a dog that’s playing outdoors in winter?
A chili dog.
What did the therapy dog say to her client?
“That’s ruff.”
. What do dogs get after they graduate from obedience school?
Their masters.
Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?
He always wanted to get a long little doggy.
What do you get a dog for its birthday?
Pupcakes!
Why are there no losers in a dachshund race?
They’re all weiners.
Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer.