How did Dad get kicked out of the bakery? He kept telling crummy jokes.

Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.

Why was the fight between Superman and Dracula canceled? Because Superman can’t go near the crypt tonight.

What do you call a dinosaur with glasses? Do-you-think-he-saurus.

Why did the Patriot put on lotion? Because he had RevoLOTION.

What’s America’s most patriotic flower? Yankee Doodle Dandy-lions.

What do you call a snowman in August? A puddle.

Why did the chicken go to the seance? To get to the other side.

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.

Where does a sheep get its haircut? At the baa baa shop.

Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he had a great fall.

How do you keep a bagel from getting away? You put lox on it.

How did the two cats end their fight? They hissed and made up.

What do you call a train carrying bubble gum? A choo choo train.

What do you call a guy who accidentally puts dish soap in his chili? Bubble bum.

What kind of dog can jump as high as a tall building? Any kind. Tall buildings can’t jump.